There are two things that makes my nerd heart sing: liturgy and communal worship. While I love both of these things, I often find myself avoiding worship due to being uncomfortable.
Uncomfortable about what? You may ask. Uncomfortable to know when I walk into a worship setting there is a high likelihood - even in a queer-affirming church - that something will speak to my exclusion. Not the type of exclusion where I can’t come in. In fact most progressive churches would be more than welcoming. It’s the type of exclusion that revolves around language.
When you sing a hymn that speaks about brothers and sisters - I am excluded. When you don’t change brothers and sisters in a Biblical reading - I am excluded. When the pastor consecrates the elements for communion and says brothers and sisters - I am excluded. One may tell me that I am being hypersensitive, but I don’t think that is the case. These words that we use create our reality of who is included in the realm of God and who is not.
I grew up hearing brothers and sisters in church all the time. And I still hear it in church. Each time I step into a worship space I know that most likely I will be excluded, even by well-meaning people who want to include me. They just simply haven’t done the work to make worship safe for me.
It’s exhausting walking into worship knowing that. I go to a seminary where worship is central to the community, but more often than not, I can’t bring myself to go as I know that there is a high likelihood that something will be there that’ll exclude me. To walk into that situation, I have to be ready to be marginalized and excluded. I have to be ready to hear that I am not a beloved child of God. I have to be ready to hear that Jesus didn’t come for me.
I have to be ready to know that when the elements are consecrated and the presider uses brothers and sisters - I AM NOT INCLUDED IN COMMUNION. One of the most important items in the Church universal. I am not included. This happens with the other sacrament - baptism - as well (I am writing from a Lutheran lens, so there are only two sacraments).
Every single time I am excluded from God’s grace. From God’s love. From reconciliation to God. By using brothers and sisters I am disavowed from God.
I remember the first time I received Holy Communion from a pastor that didn’t use brothers and sisters in the consecration of the elements. For the first time in my life - at age 31 - I felt that God saw me for who I am and accepts me for who I am. I remember the pastor who did it. I remember the church. I remember why. I remember that it meant so much to not have those words said.
So next time you consecrate the elements, sing a hymn, or don’t correct the Biblical translation away from brothers and sisters remember. Remember that you are excluding those who don’t identify as male and female. As a brother or a sister. Remember that you are excluding them from God’s grace.
It is true that they are not excluded from this grace just because of your words. But it FEELS that way. And that feeling can pervade your relationship with God and with others. That feeling creates our reality. That feeling changes how we see ourselves. That reality changes how we see God.
So take time to correct the Biblical interpretation from brothers and sisters to siblings. Don’t sing the hymns that say brother and sister, no matter how beloved they are to the congregation. Change the language when you consecrate the elements from brother and sister to sibling.
These small changes truly show you are a welcoming community. These show you are a safe space. These show that you have begun the work to move away from harmful binary thinking.
Create that space that people like me so desperately crave so we don’t have to walk in feeling like we need to be ready to defend our very existence.
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